Happy Birthday To Me
Tuesday, June 8, 2021
Tuesday, June 1, 2021
Monday, May 25, 2015
SECOND CHANCE...
Most People, after breaking-up a relationship, find it hard to give in 100% love and trust into the their next relationship stating that " all girls/guys are the same". People should know that if the right person has not come, the relationship will not always work. Therefore we shouldn't close our eyes for the bad people to pass, because when the good one will pass, we will won't be aware.
Below are 5 tips that will help you to fashion a better relationship to a second love.
* Learn to Forgive and Forget:
Try to forget about the ills of the last relationship and forgive any anormallies to free your yourself rest of mind. It will also help you to think ahead and fashion out a good plan for yourself against the next relationship you want to have.
* Identify your Defects and Work on it:
It is only a dishonest person that will say he doesn't have his fault during a relationship. There are one or two things you will need to work on to make improve the next relationship you are prospecting. Do you thinks you did not take her out on special days, do you always act strange on him, do you nag a lot on her or him, do you spend less time with your spouse e.t.c. Check and remodel it.
* Open your Heart to Love Again:
Yes, you have to prepare your heart to love again. As you know when you buy a new memory storage, you will be asked to prepare it for new installation by formatting it; that is what a new relationship need. Ready to put in 100% love and trust because the new person is completely different from the last person. Practice the change you have done on yourself on him or her. Give him an extra-ordinary consideration and let him/her see the reason why he/she must not let you go.
* Define your Relationship and Discuss about it.
"Can two walk together, except they agreed?" NO! You should try to define the type of relationship you want to have, agree on what you need in the relationship and what you don't. Tell him if you will love to keep your relationship with or without sex; explain to her what you dont like in girls and what you love her to do; discuss how your issues should be handled when out of hand; discuss, discuss, and discuss...
*Lastly, Make your Partner your Friend:
For a relationship to work perfectly, the two party must have an intimacy which can only be build by friendship. Try to make sure the person you want to make your next partner will be your friend in order to build the intimacy bond. Advantage in making your partner a friend is that you will have time to spend together and have a fun-filled relationship.
Culled From Young Don
NURSING MOTHER'S AND SEXUAL INTERCOURSE.
A friend of mine just put to bed a bouncing baby boy. I went visiting and we got to discuss a lot of things. She told me a lot of things...(I'm keeping ma mouth shut)....what got me concerned was that she said she had intercourse with the husband cos he insisted. At first I was shock but I feigned ignorant of that...when I left her I got to do a lot of research and decided to share it here cos I think der might be people in similar situation.
**
Here are some questions I considered:
**
Is a mother able to have intercourse with her husband while she is still nursing her baby?
**
What effect does the mother's milk have on the child if she has intercourse while she is bosom feeding?
**
How long should she wait after birth before she can have relations with her husband?
**
***i also heard somewhere that a woman doesn't dare give milk to her child once she has begun to have sexual relations. If she does it, the child will become sick and even die***
**
The answer I was able to deduct from my research was : "Yes, a mother is able to have intercourse with her husband while she still nurses her baby, providing they wait for a few weeks after birth until her organs are back to normal."
**
REASONS:
1. It takes from 4 to 6 weeks after birth for a woman's uterus to return to its normal state. There is a red discharge from the uterus after the baby is born which is called the lochia. It lasts about two weeks and tends to flow most when the mother is nursing her baby. Later the lochia becomes a lighter colour and then it finally stops.
**
2. The father's sperm cannot enter into the milk and cause the baby to get sick.
**
MY ADVICE:
The best way a father should show his love to his child is to love the baby's mother. Mothers Please don't abstain from sex totally during bosom feeding because it pushes the impatient husbands to infidelity and fathers do not rush your wives, give them time to heal.
***
CLOSING REMARK:
It is even true that mothers who bosom-feed their babies are more interested in returning to active intercourse with their husbands as soon as possible after birth. They want to express the love and gratitude which they have in their hearts for the father of their child.
*
Cheers!!!
**
Is a mother able to have intercourse with her husband while she is still nursing her baby?
**
What effect does the mother's milk have on the child if she has intercourse while she is bosom feeding?
**
How long should she wait after birth before she can have relations with her husband?
**
***i also heard somewhere that a woman doesn't dare give milk to her child once she has begun to have sexual relations. If she does it, the child will become sick and even die***
**
The answer I was able to deduct from my research was : "Yes, a mother is able to have intercourse with her husband while she still nurses her baby, providing they wait for a few weeks after birth until her organs are back to normal."
**
REASONS:
1. It takes from 4 to 6 weeks after birth for a woman's uterus to return to its normal state. There is a red discharge from the uterus after the baby is born which is called the lochia. It lasts about two weeks and tends to flow most when the mother is nursing her baby. Later the lochia becomes a lighter colour and then it finally stops.
**
2. The father's sperm cannot enter into the milk and cause the baby to get sick.
**
MY ADVICE:
The best way a father should show his love to his child is to love the baby's mother. Mothers Please don't abstain from sex totally during bosom feeding because it pushes the impatient husbands to infidelity and fathers do not rush your wives, give them time to heal.
***
CLOSING REMARK:
It is even true that mothers who bosom-feed their babies are more interested in returning to active intercourse with their husbands as soon as possible after birth. They want to express the love and gratitude which they have in their hearts for the father of their child.
*
Cheers!!!
Culled from a friend Young Don
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
The Tea Man, The Indomie Man or The Cow Tail Man?
Men are very unique set of beings, created to rule, un-rule and
re-rule. They want to be in charge, control women, money and the world. They
want to be loved and respected. We love them. We hate them. Today, I share
about the three types of men that are known to exist under the sun.
The first
man does not cook but can pour just at the first sight of a woman. He doesn't have to be lanky for you to know how fast he spills because even the supposed
macho men spill from mere kissing, touch or even a hot grab because a blow job
will be a long thing. Half the time, all he needs to spill is just the less
than 3 seconds 7 alphabet count of P to V. The most annoying part of the story
is that he will be the one that keeps ranting about how good he is or how much
fish he had point and killed in the neighborhood. He may be really handsome
like a snake, but he is as weak as a cat. You never need mind him.
We call him The Tea Man.
The second man will tell the world that he is Johnny Sins. He
shares stories of how he had a threesome and the two girls fainted, or of how
he was awake all night hitting the nail on the head. He tells you how bad that
girl is in bed and how amazing the other one is. When he says he went 5 times
just remember the only time he did, he didn't last 10 seconds before he
screamed stupidly and spilled. If he had a chance he will even sign up to
feature in a porn, he will always have condoms in he’s wallet like a champion,
taking lots of alcohol to show his friends he is killing it tonight but when
it’s time for the race, he jerks five times or less and the game is over.
You may have seen him but this man is called The
Indomie Man.
The Last man standing is really the last to stand. He doesn't even talk about the honey because he has the mantle. He is excellence in detail, knows all the rules and plays by them, he doesn't miss a part and the act is detailed. He knows when to pump and when to jerk. He bends it, lifts it, under rides it and even supervises it. He can be right there and you will go to Balogun Market from Lekki. He was there when Minister for Waka Waka travelled from Lagos to Abuja on foot and back. He stays on the matter waiting for a plea, a faint or for the V to get a K shape before he spills like a gladiator with than manly smell, rainy sweat, and breathing sounds that the neighbors love to hear. This is the man every woman needs to meet.
Say hello to The Cow Tail Man, ladies.
Ahem, now, dear men, which one of the above best describes you? Yes; you!
The first
man does not cook but can pour just at the first sight of a woman. He doesn't have to be lanky for you to know how fast he spills because even the supposed
macho men spill from mere kissing, touch or even a hot grab because a blow job
will be a long thing. Half the time, all he needs to spill is just the less
than 3 seconds 7 alphabet count of P to V. The most annoying part of the story
is that he will be the one that keeps ranting about how good he is or how much
fish he had point and killed in the neighborhood. He may be really handsome
like a snake, but he is as weak as a cat. You never need mind him.We call him The Tea Man.
The second man will tell the world that he is Johnny Sins. He
shares stories of how he had a threesome and the two girls fainted, or of how
he was awake all night hitting the nail on the head. He tells you how bad that
girl is in bed and how amazing the other one is. When he says he went 5 times
just remember the only time he did, he didn't last 10 seconds before he
screamed stupidly and spilled. If he had a chance he will even sign up to
feature in a porn, he will always have condoms in he’s wallet like a champion,
taking lots of alcohol to show his friends he is killing it tonight but when
it’s time for the race, he jerks five times or less and the game is over.
You may have seen him but this man is called The Indomie Man.
The Last man standing is really the last to stand. He doesn't even talk about the honey because he has the mantle. He is excellence in detail, knows all the rules and plays by them, he doesn't miss a part and the act is detailed. He knows when to pump and when to jerk. He bends it, lifts it, under rides it and even supervises it. He can be right there and you will go to Balogun Market from Lekki. He was there when Minister for Waka Waka travelled from Lagos to Abuja on foot and back. He stays on the matter waiting for a plea, a faint or for the V to get a K shape before he spills like a gladiator with than manly smell, rainy sweat, and breathing sounds that the neighbors love to hear. This is the man every woman needs to meet.
Say hello to The Cow Tail Man, ladies.
Ahem, now, dear men, which one of the above best describes you? Yes; you!
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Myths of March... Can i Get Pregnant from just one intercourse
Hello zara,I'm 16 years old and in love with an 18-year old boy. I swear he loves me very much. He always buys me all the things I like. He buys me chocolates, flowers and juice. We have been dating for one month now and we are really happy. The problem is that he wants us to have sex, but I'm afraid I will get pregnant. All my friends are doing it and they said I can’t get pregnant from just doing it once. What will I do? I don’t want to lose him and I don’t want to get pregnant either.Maina
Maina dear,
You are welcome and I completely understand how you feel. First, you need to understand that you shouldn’t let anyone pressure you to do what you don’t want to do. Secondly, you can get pregnant from just one sexual intercourse and this is because your body system could be in the ovulation period at the time of the intercourse. If your boyfriend loves you, then he has to wait until you are ready for it.
In a relationship, love is not enough. He has to understand and consider how you feel, especially with regards to issues regarding your body. Teenage pregnancy will expose you to the social issues like dropping out of school, being a teen mother, depression, rejection, low self esteem and sometimes complications from unsafe abortion or childbirth.
It is critical that you examine your choice of friends and be sure to decide if this is what you want to do. Take care.
Zara!
Myths Of March... Wet Dreams
Hello zara,I am a 17-year old boy in SS3. I have never had sex and my friends are really pressuring me about it. I have a girlfriend and we have never discussed sex, maybe because of the morals I grew up with. But I just don’t like to discuss it.Just last week my friends were at it again and this time they said if I don’t have sex that the sperm will overfill inside my body then I will start vomiting semen from my mouth and I will die. How true is this? I have been having constant wet dreams since then, so I am really scared. I don’t want to die and I'm already thinking of asking my girlfriend for sex.I love her, but not sexually considering our age and class. I don’t want her to get pregnant. I can’t be a father now. My parents will kill me. What will I do? should I ask my girlfriend?Stan
Dear Stan,
Wet dreams are very natural with boys your age, as the phenomenon is a part of the growth and development of male sexuality during puberty. You have no need to worry about having wet dreams. Also, abstinence from sex will not kill you. In fact, it saves you from early fatherhood, involvement with unsafe abortion, chances of contracting HIV and other sexually transmitted infections, and also dropping out of school. You will not die from abstaining, and you won’t vomit semen either.
You can also need to trust this service for confidentiality and remain focused in the forthcoming exams as there is still a lot of time for you to have sex but when that time come. If you do choose not to abstain, always remember to use a condom correctly and consistently. Feel free to get in touch with me privately if you have more questions that require confidentiality.
Regards,
Zara.
Myths Of March... Painful Menstruation.
Hello Zara,I am 15 years old and I am having the most painful menstrual pain in the world. During my period, I don’t sleep, I don’t eat and I can’t even go to school. I am in SS1 and anytime I am feeling it is time for my period, the thought of the coming pain scares me. The pain from the cramps is so bad that it leaves me in bed for 2days. I have tried all kinds of painkillers, but none works.My girlfriend said she experienced the same thing but it stopped when she started having sex with her boyfriend. I don’t even have a boyfriend and there is nobody to have sex with me, because I am very willing to do it just for the pain to stop. Can you advice me on what to do?Ezinne
Dear Ezinne,
Painful menstruation or secondary dysmenorrhea is not abnormal for young women who are menstruating, especially after the menarche. For some, it is severe or mild while some women don’t even experience any pain at all. Painful menstruation is as a result of the shedding of the uterine wall of a woman’s reproductive system. It has absolutely nothing to do with healing from sexual intercourse.
The first thing you can do when you start experiencing pain is to take a cup of hot tea, then you can take a mild pain killer, after which you need to place a hot water bottle on your lower abdomen. It helps to ease the effect of the shedding while stimulating the flow. Sex has never and will never stop menstrual pain. It will rather increase your chances of getting pregnant and of contracting sexually transmitted infections.
You can also take a walk as a form of exercise to help relieve the pain and possible as you grow older the pain will no longer be as severe as it is presently.
Yours,
Zara
Myths Of March.... Sex During Pregnancy.
Zara,I am a 33-year old man and I am happily married to the love of my life. We are happy and we share everything, we are also expecting presently and that has multiplied our joy immensely. The problem is that like pregnancy comes with different body and hormonal changes, the shot it gave my wife is a high libido. My wife wants sex every minute. Just looking at me gets her wet and spilling.
But I am afraid that with the way things are now going we could harm the child. She can’t sleep if I don’t make love to her and sometimes she will even start crying in the middle of the night because of this. Am afraid I may disfigure my child in one way or the other by having sex with her. I don’t want her to remain sad during this pregnancy period but I am really scared of harming or killing the unborn child.What will I do to solve this problem? She is beginning to feel that I am either avoiding her because she is pregnant or having an extra marital affair?Nnamdi.
Dear Nnamdi,
Pregnancy issues or effects differ from one woman to the other. As such, what happens to one woman may or will never happen to the other. Just like the cravings are different, the body reacts and responds differently to pregnancy.
Your woman is experiencing high libido in pregnancy and you need to be very patient and understanding because she is going through some body changes. Some women feel very repulsive to sex during pregnancy, some are indifferent and some are really active since the vagina keeps secreting fluid while others are banned from sex because the pregnancy is threatening a miscarriage.
Sexual intercourse during pregnancy does not have any effect on the baby and does not affect the woman negatively in any way as long as the pregnancy is not threatened and the woman is in good health condition. As long as your woman is healthy, you can enjoy sexual intercourse with your wife from the first month till the ninth month.
It is actually recommended that men should have sex with their wives during pregnancy as this helps to stimulate the elasticity of the vagina walls and helps make way for the baby during labor. So, shake body and make your woman happy. Some men do not have this same opportunity on your platter. Don't dull.
The Empty Podium...
As we walked in for the second session of the presidential debate Sunday, my heart raced through what the experience would be like. Today na Today…
Just thinking of Mr. Change and the so-called Mr. Clueless getting to give me reasons why I should vote them was enough to grand my Sunday. We sat down and I took a look at the podiums with the symbols and acronyms of each party beautifully and clearly written on them. I imagined what it would feel like to watch the top men and women of Nigeria who wanted to be president come 28th march take the debate of their career.
People walked in and out with the room gradually getting full, the anchor introduced the presidential candidates and then came the greatest fear proven right; Mr. Change, General Muhammad Buhari was absent.
I couldn’t comprehend why someone who wants to be president refused to debate with his fellow candidates. Yet the same man was very willing to go and deliver a speech to foreigners at Chattam House in London. What exactly was he afraid of?
It was not the debate of life and the debate does not give you extra votes more or less.
The national anthem came with splendor and the floor was officially opened for Nigerians to listen. I must commend the only female presidential aspirant for her bravery and courage. It’s not every day you meet a Nigerian Woman take on five men.. No, six men.
She did not shake or stutter, she spoke to Nigerians which makes her super, stronger and smarter than Buhari. The social media also caught fire and people were talking about the empty podium. Questions like; where is Buhari? Who is representing APC? Where is the APC Presidential candidate?
I think I can come to a conclusion that Buhari is not a democrat. He is a coward and he has no respect for Nigerians and in fact despises this country.
Stubbornness has never taken anyone anywhere; actually, arrogance is even worse but I don’t want to lay the whole blame on him. What happens to all those APC members who didn’t see anyone at their podium stand to represent them at the debate?
If they felt Buhari was not sound, a representative would have made some sense and saved their faces from the embarrassment of an empty podium. I want to believe that is the type of change they want to bring for Nigerians.
I may never understand why he boycotted the 2015 presidential election debate but one day I hope that the General will give Nigerians an answer we will all buy with the change.
Their Reasons to Vote you cant Understand...
Yesterday on my way back from work, the sun was really shining out of fashion so I couldn’t help but jump in the moment I found an empty taxi. Sadly the driver couldn’t get to my destination but I found an amazing reason to get into this taxi though he was not taking me to my final destination.
“Good evening, sir, I said.
“Evening,” he replied as my eyes raced through the Buhari/Osibanjo poster and flags decorating his dash board.
“Whaoo,” I exclaimed trying to hold a discussion, “Are you voting Buhari?” I asked’.
” Sai Buhari.” he replied.
I gave him a good smile so he relaxed and I had an amazing opportunity to ask other questions.
“Oga. driver, so you like Buhari and that is the only reason you are voting him on Saturday?
“No, Madam no be say I like am be reason why I dey vote am, na the place my friends dey vote. so I no get reason why I wan vote Buhari but I dey Sai Buhari, we want change, na just the change we want. Jonathan na good man oh but we want change. I never chop government money before for my life so nobi say I fit gain anything from Buhari, all the money wey I don get for my life na me work for am so nobi anything, we just want change, I dey go Bauchi on Thursday because na there I go vote,” he replied.
I was humbled at the rate at which someone should die for someone without even knowing why he is dying. The passion he had in his voice for someone he was going to vote for without even knowing why he wanted the person to be his president.
I asked him yet another question, “Oga, but do you think that in the last 5 years that Jonathan has done very well for this country?”
“Yes,” he replied, “Goodluck has done very well but the problem is that he no advertise him work very well. People wey dey do the work no dey advertise am, for example na only people like us the drivers that know that roads have improved and the money flow in Nigeria is very good now to compare with before. Goodluck did very well but he needs advertisers to advertise him work well. Nobi only during election them go dey advertise am because they get plenty things wey he do wey I no even know until they start campaign last year. Apart from that he is a good man.”
Hmmmm, I gave a great sigh of relief, paid him and disembarkted from the taxi but entered yet another one that gave me the shock of my life.
I didn’t intend to go on with this my interview session as I entered the second taxi but his response to the wailing siren weakened my spirit and I gathered the momentum to ask him who he would be voting for come March 28.
“Goodluck, of course,” he replied. Then I pushed further by asking why Goodluck, and not Buhari?
“I am voting Goodluck because he is a Christian and he is a southerner,” he replied and that ended our discussion. I stepped down and thought aloud comparing the two taxi drivers and their responses to the questions I had asked only to come to the conclusion that;
Some people will just vote Buhari on Saturday just because they just heard the word ‘Change’ for the first time and has come to like it without analyzing and understanding the type of change the Buhari/Osibanjo ticket is bringing on board.
Some people will vote Buhari because Goodluck’s achievements were not advertised sufficiently five years before the electioneering campaign came knocking.
Some people will vote Goodluck just because he is a Christian and a southerner and not because of his potentials, the transformation agenda or the things he has done in the past.
Others for Buhari because he is a Muslim and from the north.
Whichever way votes are cast, a considerable number who will not vote just want peace to reign, and not the tension and fear that has come largely from the activities of the opposition
Friday, February 27, 2015
Les Val Toppings...
Red light cozy room;
Blue night everywhere.
Sugar coated honeypot;
Tongue runs to and fro.
Huge boobs fill my mandible.
Oh Night of love, make love
With oh man, woman and toy.
Lovers bond at this time.
he clicking fingers make me squirt.
Lavender vanilla aphrodisiac.
Resounding suck and my moan.
Nights that I want you more.
69 games let’s see who wins.
With barely cream ice cold more flush.
Suck me up and make me ahhhhh.
Your tongue can shoot cloud 9.
And I can pass out till dawn.
Suck me up and make me ahhhhh.
Your tongue can shoot cloud 9.
And I can pass out till dawn.
Monday, February 2, 2015
What is love?
I had a chat with a friend this morning and the arguement was what is love.... He came up with the following explanations and write up.
WHAT IS LOVE
Love is pain,
Love is compromise,
Love is forgiveness,
Love is an act of will,
Love is when two people who care for one another make their lives together,
Build a home together,
Cry together, laugh together, weather life’s storm together,
Plan through their hardships and celebrate together.
Love is not selfish but an unconditional giving
Love is acknowledging one’s fault and striving to be better with the help of one’s partner
Love is a beautiful for those who open their mind
Love makes two into one.
courtesy.... my discussion with Nwanne.
WHAT IS LOVE
Love is pain,
Love is compromise,
Love is forgiveness,
Love is an act of will,
Love is when two people who care for one another make their lives together,
Build a home together,
Cry together, laugh together, weather life’s storm together,
Plan through their hardships and celebrate together.
Love is not selfish but an unconditional giving
Love is acknowledging one’s fault and striving to be better with the help of one’s partner
Love is a beautiful for those who open their mind
Love makes two into one.
courtesy.... my discussion with Nwanne.
Thursday, January 29, 2015
Dear Zara...
Dear Zara,With pain in my bones and fear in my heart I write you this. I actually chose to ignore this problem for years but right now it stares me in the face. I am 31, married and hoping to dad a baby soon. But there is this problem I have been having since my wife and I got married. I have premature ejaculation and it’s not a funny one because sometimes I can even release during foreplay. This makes me really sad although my wife has not shown any signs of worry. I know that very soon it may become an issue. I can’t stop thinking about this and I know I wasn’t like this before. What can I do to stop this and is there any drug for me to take to improve.Male. Asaba, 31.
Zara responds:
Hello friend,
I understand how you feel and I respect your decision to seek help. However you need to rewind back to how and when this started, considering the fact that you said you weren’t like this. What happened?
- Did you get or treat an STI?
- Did you go on a prolonged sex enhancer?
- Did you undergo any surgery?
- Did you gain or lose rapid weight?
- Did you leave any infection untreated?
Although the cause of this dysfunction is unknown, it is usually associated with effects from the above listed health issues. It can also be hereditary and can occur regularly when you have a new partner. If your answer to all these questions is a NO, then all you need to do is calm your nerves, discuss with your partner on how best to satisfy her sexually and probably seek medical help.
For home remedies, you can practice Kegal exercise, the start and stop movement during intercourse and the use of condoms as this reduces sensation on the penis. You can practice relaxation/mediation and quit taking alcohol for some time. Smoking any substance is not good for you at the moment. You can also eat healthy by taking a lot of vegetables and fruits especially watermelon which has a Viagra effect.
Premature ejaculation can also be a thing of the mind, so it will be great for you to avoid being anxious or excited so you can be able to divert your mind and control your climax during intercourse.
Thanks,
Zara.
NB: All our readers are welcome to submit their questions, comments and recommendations on this week’s exclusive Sexual Reproductive Health issue. Feel free to send us your secret question zaraeni@gmail.com.
Thursday, January 1, 2015
Its 2015...
First i want to apologize for all I did wrong last year. Yes I know what i did wrong, I took you for granted and I didn't take my commitment of keeping you busy with a lot to read and ponder about seriou
I won't make excuses, its best I apologise and hope you accept my apology.
Secondly, its going to be an amazing year for all of us as I have taken this as a full time job both here and on WordPress too. I will also be featuring on Mr Mobility blog as a sexual reproductive health counselor and columnist. There is going to be a whole lot going on and I bet you wont want to miss out.
Thank you so very much for 2014 and I bet you will be on this page this 2015.
You are the reason I write this and I swear I love you very much this new year and always.
Happy new year everyone...
With Love,
Zara Eni
I won't make excuses, its best I apologise and hope you accept my apology.
Secondly, its going to be an amazing year for all of us as I have taken this as a full time job both here and on WordPress too. I will also be featuring on Mr Mobility blog as a sexual reproductive health counselor and columnist. There is going to be a whole lot going on and I bet you wont want to miss out.
Thank you so very much for 2014 and I bet you will be on this page this 2015.
You are the reason I write this and I swear I love you very much this new year and always.
Happy new year everyone...
With Love,
Zara Eni
Tuesday, August 12, 2014
FROM A FATHER TO HIS SON ON MARRIAGE
2. My son, a woman could be a good wife to you, some could be a good mother to your children but if you’ve found a woman like a mother to you, your children and your family, please don’t let her go.
3. My son, don’t confine the position of your wife to the kitchen, where did you get that from? Even in our days, we had farm-lands where they worked every morning . . . that was our office.
4. My son, if I tell you that you’re the head of the house, don’t look at your pocket; look if you will see a smile on your wife’s face.
5. My son, if you want to have a long life, let your wife be in-charge of your salary, it will be difficult for her to spend it when she’s aware of the home needs and bills to pay but if it’s in your care, she will keep you asking even when all has been spent.
6. My son, don’t ever beat your woman, the pain in her body is nothing to be compared to the wound on her heart and that means you may be in trouble living with a wounded woman.
7. My son, now that you’re married, if you live a bachelor kind of life with your wife, you will soon be single again.
8. My son, in our days, we had many wives and many children because of our large farm-lands and many harvests, there are hardly any land for farming anymore, so embrace your woman closely.
9. My son, under the cocoa tree that I did meet your mother could be your eateries and restaurants of nowadays, but remember, the closet thing we did there was to embrace each other.
10. My son, don’t be carried away when you start making more money, instead of spending on those tiny legs that never knew how hard you worked to get it, spend it on that woman that stood by you all along.
11. My son, when I threw little stones or whistled at the window of your mother father’s house, to call her out, it was not for sex, it was because I missed her so much.
12. My son, remember, when you say your wife has changed, there could be something you’ve stopped doing too.
13. My son, your mother, Asake rode the bicycle with me before I bought that tortoise car outside there, any woman that won’t endure with you in your little beginning should not enjoy your riches.
14. My son, don’t compare your wife to any woman, there are ways she’s enduring you too and has she ever compared you to any man?
15. My son, there is this thing you people call feminism, well, if a woman claim to have equal right with you in the house, divide all the bills into two equal parts, take one part and ask her to start paying the other part.
16. My son, I met your mother a virgin and I took more yams to her father, if you don’t meet your wife a virgin, don’t blame her, what I didn’t tell you is that our women had prestige.
17. My son, I didn’t send your sisters to school because I was foolish like many to think a female child won’t extend my family name, please don’t make that mistake, the kind of female achievers I see nowadays has made the male-gender an ordinary tag.
18. My son, your mother have once locked up the cloth I was wearing and almost tore it because she was angry, I did not raise my hand to beat her because of a day like this, so that I can be proud to tell you that I never for once beat your mother.
19. My son, in our days, our women had more of natural beauty, though I wouldn’t lie to you, some had minor painting of their appellation mostly on their arms, the ones you people now call tattoo, but don’t forget that they didn’t expose any part of their body like your women of nowadays.
20. My son, your mother and I are not interested in what happens in your marriage, try to handle issues without always coming to us.
21. My son, remember I bought your mother’s first sewing machine for her, help your wife achieve her dreams just as you’re pursuing yours.
22. My son, don’t stop taking care of me and your mother, it’s a secret of growing old and having children to take care of you too.
23. My son, pray with your family, there is a tomorrow you don’t know, talk to God that knows everything, everyday.
I culled this from a facebook friend,hope you learnt a thing or two.....
21. My son, remember I bought your mother’s first sewing machine for her, help your wife achieve her dreams just as you’re pursuing yours.
22. My son, don’t stop taking care of me and your mother, it’s a secret of growing old and having children to take care of you too.
23. My son, pray with your family, there is a tomorrow you don’t know, talk to God that knows everything, everyday.
I culled this from a facebook friend,hope you learnt a thing or two.....
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Welcome to Abuja...
Welcome to Abuja,
A city where everyone claims busy,
People leave their beds everyday.
To hustle, tozzle and buzzle,
To pay for the houses they don't even stay in.
Welcome to Abuja,
A city where most landlords are so idle,
They worship their investments jealously.
They keep increasing and increasing rents,
Not just the money but payments in kind alike.
Welcome to Abuja,
A city where the guys think every girl is a night queen,
Sleeping during the day and working all night.
The girls see all relationships as an employment opportunity,
Both are disappointed at the artifact they finally find.
Welcome to Abuja,
A city where home is safe but people won't stay home,
People are scared of traffic but they still drive through it.
They don't want to die of bomb blast,yet they wont stay home,
We all say Abuja is not safe, yet nobody wants to leave Abuja.
Sunday, June 8, 2014
Happy Birthday To Me......
Yes!!!
I just added another year to my beautiful life.
I am very grateful to God that made it possible.
I may not have everything right now,
But i have all i need to be anything in life.
I am blessed with a family.
I am loved by friends, fans and foes (lol).
I am blessed with a job.
I still find the time to write.
I am not where i want to be but,
I am not where i used to be.
I have grown up, wised up and braced up.
I have had challenges and i conquered.
I have had good times and i am very grateful.
I have had proud times but i was made humble.
I have had great times but it made me nicer.
I have had trying times but i stooped to conquer.
I have a dad that dots me like a princess.
I have a mum that calls me her queen omalicha.
I have love, peace, joy and above all i have God.
My life has been a journey,a beautiful journey.
My life was not the same last year and am favored.
My life have made me to love, love and love again.
Life has taught me that love is not enough, love more.
Life has taught me that happiness means i should breathe....
Life has taught me that money can buy most things but not all.
That family is everything and the only thing left after all is gone.
That no matter the disappointment you face, there is an options.
That God does not design one person to help you but many others.
That the smile you made in the heart of others brings inner peace.
That some people are more important than others..there are VVIPs.
That appreciation and gratefulness bring you even more favor.
That money is for me to buy wisdom and make my loved ones happy.
My life at the silver age has been beautiful and wonderful...
I look forward to better days and happy days ahead.
Happy Birthday to Me....
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Zango Kartaf Religious Crisis... Lessons learnt !!!
Religious conflicts all over the world
has been a societal and environmental
issue as far back as 12 BC, but this man-made disaster still rings a bell
and turns the head of everyone who hears about its occurrence in any part of
the world. They have been many histories of war, violence, disputes and
environmental conflicts in countries of different ethnic groups, culture,
language and even religion even from the days of Greek and Roman deities like
Zeus, Poseidon and even Athena which rolls back to thousands of years ago. From
that time till date, stories and events of religious wars of superiority has
been in existence and still occurs in many countries of the world which
includes our very own Nigeria.
Nigeria is predominately made up of
two religious groups which include the Christians and the Muslims ever since
her amalgamation in 1914 and the both group are predominately found in the
southern and northern regions respectively. Despite the religious differences,
the both groups have since coexisted peacefully and this is the reason why you
many Christians are seen living, schooling and doing businesses in the northern
part of the country peacefully. Marriages have even been seen exist peacefully
between the both different religious and children have been raised in love,
humility and peace.
However, ever since the first
religious outburst crisis in 1987 at the College of Education Kafanchan, in
Kaduna state, no one has been at ease as most of the right thinking members of
the society described the incident as ugly. This crisis soon spread to other
parts of the state leading to the burning of places of worship, with many lives
and properties worth millions lost.
When the situation got out of hand, the Army stepped in by declaring a dusk to dawn curfew with a shoot at sight order of any person or group of persons found perpetrating violence in any form or constituting nuisance. Life in Kaduna State returned to normal after about a week and most people believed that such a thing would not happen again being the first religious crisis ever in Northern Nigeria.
Without knowing that more was coming as there were more surprises, a similar crisis was recorded in 1992, in Zango Kataf which was believed to of be an ethnic dimension. The town of Zango-Kataf is an enclave of mainly Muslim Hausa-Fulanis in an area dominated by the mostly Christian Katafs. Although the tension between the two communities has been long-standing, in February 1992, riot broke out over a local government decision to move the market from a Hausa area to one dominated by Katafs. Sixty people were killed and properties were destroyed including residential houses, and cars owned by the both groups. As if all that was not enough, the last straw broke the camels back in May of the same year and the worst rioting broke out. This was reported to have occurred apparently after the Kataf attacked the Hausa community and the violence spread to Kaduna, where it was mainly directed by Hausa against Christians. Several churches were burned down and Christian ministers killed. The official death toll was 300 but unofficial estimates were as high as several thousand. In addition, Over 60,000 people abandoned their business and fled their homes to the nearby states for safety.
When the situation got out of hand, the Army stepped in by declaring a dusk to dawn curfew with a shoot at sight order of any person or group of persons found perpetrating violence in any form or constituting nuisance. Life in Kaduna State returned to normal after about a week and most people believed that such a thing would not happen again being the first religious crisis ever in Northern Nigeria.
Without knowing that more was coming as there were more surprises, a similar crisis was recorded in 1992, in Zango Kataf which was believed to of be an ethnic dimension. The town of Zango-Kataf is an enclave of mainly Muslim Hausa-Fulanis in an area dominated by the mostly Christian Katafs. Although the tension between the two communities has been long-standing, in February 1992, riot broke out over a local government decision to move the market from a Hausa area to one dominated by Katafs. Sixty people were killed and properties were destroyed including residential houses, and cars owned by the both groups. As if all that was not enough, the last straw broke the camels back in May of the same year and the worst rioting broke out. This was reported to have occurred apparently after the Kataf attacked the Hausa community and the violence spread to Kaduna, where it was mainly directed by Hausa against Christians. Several churches were burned down and Christian ministers killed. The official death toll was 300 but unofficial estimates were as high as several thousand. In addition, Over 60,000 people abandoned their business and fled their homes to the nearby states for safety.
The conflict in Zango-Kataf in
southern Kaduna State illustrates the explosive mix of religious and ethnic
rivalry, as well as the highly partial approach of the authorities which has
succeeded in inflaming conflict. Neighbours killed neighbours and several
children and women were badly affected aside the men who were slaughtered
inflicting trauma and tension to all involved.
The official response to the violence
was to arrest several hundred Katafs, most of whom were held without charge.
Six prominent Katafs, including Major-General Zamani Lekwot, a former
ambassador, were charged with complicity in the riots before a specially
constituted Civil Disturbances Special Tribunal. The prosecution withdrew its
case, but the accused were rearrested by security agents as they left the
court.
By September 1991, they were charged
again, with a total of 14 people being sentenced to death by two Civil
Disturbances Tribunals, including Major-General Lekwot. The hearings had all
the same defects as the tribunal which heard the case of Ken Saro-Wiwa and
other Ogoni activists, since they were constituted under the same law. In this
instance, the Government commuted the death sentences to five years'
imprisonment.
Although another religious crisis which spread to other parts of the country was recorded in 1999, its impact was not as in depth as that of the Zango Kartaf 1991. Conflicts are known to exist but can also be avoided with a dialogue or mutual peaceful resolution instead of destroying lives and properties and also making children homeless and vulnerable.
Although another religious crisis which spread to other parts of the country was recorded in 1999, its impact was not as in depth as that of the Zango Kartaf 1991. Conflicts are known to exist but can also be avoided with a dialogue or mutual peaceful resolution instead of destroying lives and properties and also making children homeless and vulnerable.
Aside the ugly events of the Nigerian
civil war, other conflicts like the Zango Kartaf, Aguleri/Umuleri, the Jos crisis
and political riots from the masses have never changed the position of the
government. This is because it is only the government that have a better
understanding of the needs, issues and problems of the people and works day in
and out to meet them. Patriotism is not dying for the nation or killing other
people in the name of religion, patriotism is standing by the government and
loving one another as religious conflicts can be settled with the love values
every Nigerian religion represents.
Burying The Hatchet Of June 12....
Understanding
the depth of every event in a nation, does not just help in retraining our misdemeanors but also takes a long train in giving us a clear picture of what needs
to be done when the things fall apart. Crisis, issues and conflicts are bound
to occur in every ecological habit, as a matter of fact even in the animal
kingdom but it could also be avoided if we take time to think, think and think
again. Wars, genocides, homicides and even manslaughter are events that have
occurred repeatedly in countries, states, towns, villages and even in our
domestic homes but just a pause for a moment gives the victims and perpetrators
another chance. It gives us the chance to think, negotiate, resolve, appeal or
let go of certain disputes that can’t be changed, controlled or reversed through
the means of own human or government capacity.
The
incidence of June 12 1993 rolling about 20 years ago still remains evergreen in
our memory as Nigerians even to those who were and those who heard. Like a
fresh wound to the effected, it still bleeds and the marks are still seen in
every area of the democracy we practice today as a nation. From the planning,
the campaign, the election, the result, the annulment by Gen Ibrahim Babangida,
the protests, the riots, killings, arrests and change of power, all the events
still stare us in the face. This also makes us accountable as a nation ever
since that attempt to embrace democracy was thwarted.
Nigerians
cannot sweep under the carpet the impact of June 12 in the democratic government
and the politics we are plunged in today. That election was noted as the freest
and fairest election since our independence by both local and international
observers and it was also tagged the most successful and controversial election
of all times till date in Nigeria. Why?
Aside the properties
that were destroyed, lives that were lost and ethnic stigmatization and
disparity in the minds of people who were most affected like Chief MKO Abiola. Many prominent Nigerians like Chief Alfred
Rewane, Alhaja Kudirat Abiola, Gen. Shehu Yar’Adua, Bagauda Kalto, Suliat
Adedeji and many others lost their lives while the Publisher of Guardian
Newspaper, the late Chief Alex Ibru, and a leading member of the Afenifere
socio-cultural organisation, Chief Abraham Adesanya, escaped assassination
attempts by a whisker. Chief MKO Abiola died in prison prior to his release and
the Properties lost, the businesses that were affected, and the poor Innocent
Nigerians that were killed as a result of shot outs during the riots and
protests cannot be accounted for. These crises also resulted in a shift of
power from Gen. Babangida to Chief Shonekon and a coup by General Sani Abacha
though bloodless but still an after math of the annulment of the June 12
election.
In as much as it is the duty of the
government to protect the rights of the citizens of Nigeria, However, the
motivation for this should not be tagged wholly on the poor governance
experienced at that time but to all the wrong actions that were taken by some Nigerians
citizens that resulted to a multiple chain reactions backfiring in an attempt
to take laws into our hands. Though we have been able to bury the hatchet,
aside the violence, murder, protests and attacks on innocent people, human rights
were shattered and the victimised still heals.
The election crisis of June 12 1993, birth
the 1999 democratic rule in Nigeria and the south west was given an opportunity
to rule as compensation for the ciaos that occurred after the annulment. Although
this was not enough as it would never make up for the lives lost, the rights
dashed, the pain in the heart of the bereaved families and the properties
destroyed but it also created a golden opportunity for good Nigerians to form
the People Democratic Party (PDP),All Nigerians Peoples’ Party (ANPP) and Alliance for Democracy (AD). Hereby bringing
the American two party methods we adopted to an absolute end and we embracing a
three or more parties democratic system in Nigeria.
Although many years have passed by and
Nigeria may have healed from that traumatic experience ranging from the
multiple killings, undeserved arrests, torture and human rights violation
during the Abacha regime. In all these lapses, we arose stronger than the whole
world expected and we still excel in all the world activities ranging from
football, literature, entertainment and even politics. Yet truth be told, whatever
the reason for the June 12 1993 election annulment was, the only one lasting
solution to the dilemma would have just been a repeat of that election. We Nigerians
should not subject our fellow Nigerians to misery and pain then expect love
from other countries. We must love ourselves first and give resolution thinking
to crisis and conflicts and this is because when there is a headache, a doctor
is consulted; we don’t cut off our heads.
Chibok Girls...What Is Their Health Status?
Kidnapping is a menace in our present day society and although it is not an act Nigeria is proud of as a nation, several measures have been taken to cut out this virus from our country permanently. This human rights violation keeps rising by the day and has even spread to our secondary institutions causing environmental unrest in the school system to both the young students and the school teachers. This issue has become a cause for concern in Nigeria as a nation, and to our neighboring countries in West Africa such as Niger, Benin, Chad and Cameroun.
Just recently, its wings spread to Asia, Europe and even America raising even more concern as about 200 teenage girls were kidnapped from a secondary school in Chibok, a small town in Borno state, the North eastern part of Nigeria. This was done by a sect known as the boko haram which abhor western education especially for girls, stating they should get married instead of going to school. This mishap has gone viral in the past one month, with several Nigerian and international dignitaries airing their view about the human right and gender violation act. The press and social media platform has also lent their voice with the harsh tag #bringbackourgirls which attracted the attention of both Government of other countries and international celebrities. Thousands of concerned Nigerians have taken to the streets on protest in Nigeria and residents of other countries of the world seeking international help and actions.
Many Health organizations in and outside Nigeria, have raised an alarm on the health implications of letting the girls stay longer than they already have. This is because of the physical, social and mental/psychological health implications associated with kidnapping, especially a vulnerable group of young girls. These young girls have since been exposed to harsh weather conditions and other physical maltreatment including abuse and some other health conditions like...
ü Rape
ü Unplanned pregnancy
ü HIV and other sexually transmitted infections
ü Unsafe abortion
ü Early Motherhood
ü Visco vaginal fistula
ü Recto Vaginal Fistula
ü Shock
ü Psychological Trauma
ü Hallucinations
ü Bed Wetting
ü Nightmares
ü Genophobia
ü Sexual dysfunction
ü Low self esteem
ü Low self gratification
ü Violent behaviours
ü Urinary tract infection (UTI)
ü Pelvic Inflammatory diseases (PID)
ü Unwanted Media exposure
ü Pneumonia
ü Extreme introverted behaviours
ü Exposure to reptiles such as snakes and other creeping animals
ü Poor personal hygiene
ü Harsh weather conditions
ü Starvation
ü insecurity
ü Dehydration
ü Malaria
ü Typhoid
ü Meningitis
ü Tuberculosis
ü Social stigmatisation
ü Poor mental health
ü Poor patriotism
ü Fear
ü Anxiety
ü Prolonged unhappiness
ü Panic attacks
ü Poor health condition as a result of prolonged untreated illnesses
It should be noted that all these and many more unmentioned health conditions could arise a result of not taking care of these girls and the absence of a doctor’s attention. The Chibok girls have been through so much and will be needing proper medical attention, therapy and counselling once they have been released. They are young girls; young minds that must be saved from the entire trauma associated with what they have been through and all hands must be on deck to get this done. Their human rights have been violated and their gender sensitivity has been scattered, therefore all the doctors, counsellors, psychologist and all the people who work with Nigerian youths must get ready for the task ahead.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
Love Is Forever...
I culled this from a friend and i had to share it on such a day as this to celebrate all the men working very hard to keep their marriages and relationships. It was scripted by a man going through a painful divorce and hard to learn love principles the hard way. Its a Beautiful advice from a divorced man after 16 years of marriage.
My advice after a divorce following 16 years of marriage, by Gerald Rogers.
Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had
1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.
2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.
3. Fall in love over and over again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.
4. Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.
5. It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.
6. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.
7. Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.
8. Allow your woman to just be. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.
9. Be silly… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.
10. Fill her soul everyday… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.
11. Be present. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.
12. Be willing to take her sexually, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.
13. Don’t be an idiot…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.
14. Give her space… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)
15. Be vulnerable… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.
16. Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.
17. Never stop growing together… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.
18. Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.
19. Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.
20. Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.
In the end marriage isn't about happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.
These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I loved being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.
If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.
MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.
My advice after a divorce following 16 years of marriage, by Gerald Rogers.
Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had
1. Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.
2. Protect your own heart. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.
3. Fall in love over and over again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.
4. Always see the best in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.
5. It’s not your job to change or fix her… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.
6. Take full accountability for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.
7. Never blame your wife if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.
8. Allow your woman to just be. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.
9. Be silly… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.
10. Fill her soul everyday… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.
11. Be present. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.
12. Be willing to take her sexually, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.
13. Don’t be an idiot…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.
14. Give her space… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)
15. Be vulnerable… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.
16. Be fully transparent. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.
17. Never stop growing together… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.
18. Don’t worry about money. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.
19. Forgive immediately and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.
20. Always choose love. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.
In the end marriage isn't about happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.
These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late. But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I loved being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.
If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.
MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE: Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from. Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.
Then i hope you learnt a thing or two on keeping love forever. Though this does not apply to loving people who do not want to be with you. I am a serious anti abusive personality so be sure your relationship is worth the fight and struggle.
As you embark on your love journey, we hope to share in your love story...
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Building Great Relationships That Last...
1. Don’t try to change him/her. Be with your desired mate because you love him or her as is, not who you think you can turn him/her into.
2. Trust your mate. Of course it’s easier said than done, especially if you have been cheated on in a past relationship. However, the person you are with now does not deserve that judgment. It’s a different person and it’s a different relationship. If you don’t trust your mate, you are going to have problems, period.
3. Be compatible when it comes to intimacy. If he is a touchy-feely kind of guy and you don’t like affection, well, that’s a problem. It won’t go away. It needs to be addressed early in the relationship, or it will become such a problem down the road, that he/she might seek intimacy from someone else. Intimacy also applies to emotions… do you have a problem expressing your feelings? Get over it. Don’t assume your mate knows how you feel at all times. Express your feelings and reciprocate when he/she says something intimate to you.
4. Make sure your mate is the one that brings out the best in you. Sure, she might be fine to look at, but are her morals in line with yours? Does she entice you to do things that make you feel uncomfortable? Does he encourage you to be rude and mean to others? An ideal mate will bring out the best in you and make you feel comfortable whether you are alone together or in public.
5. Talk nice. Don’t berate your partner in public, and also watch your tongue when you are in private. Do not show or express contempt, as it is the opposite of respect, and then that is gone, well, the relationship is over. If something your partner says or does pisses you off, do not react negatively. Wait to respond if you know you have a sharp tongue. Find a way to respond in a way that will diffuse the situation. The smallest argument can blow out of proportion and be the beginning of the end. The point is… communicate well. Don’t say, “That was stupid.” Go for something like, “I think you could have handled that a little better.”
6. Learn how to deal with conflict. Couples fight. It’s not going to always be peaches and cream. How you handle your disputes, however, can be the difference between a short marriage and a lifelong one. Attack the issue that has popped up, not your partner. Don’t become defensive and hurtful. Talk about it. Resolve it and move on. Don’t let hurt feelings boil inside and blow up one day out of the blue.
7. Face adversity or a challenge together, whether it’s aimed at just one of you or both of you as a couple. Say your partner is studying for the bar exam. As the test gets closer, relieve him/her of some of his/her chores so there is more time to study. Chances are, once the exam is over, your partner will do something special for you in appreciation.
8. Talk money. This is a very touchy subject. But it can be the death of even the most romantic of partnerships if you both don’t share the same values when it comes to finances. It simply has to be discussed.There are signs early in the relationship that will indicate a person’s spending habits. For example, does she only like designer shoes? Is he just as happy with a meaningful trinket as he is with an expensive gift? Are you going to handle your financial obligations as a team? Figure it out before you jump the broom.
Having a successful relationship is not always going to be easy. However, if you think ahead and follow these few guidelines, the rewards can be exceedingly generous and provide a lifetime of joy and happiness.
2. Trust your mate. Of course it’s easier said than done, especially if you have been cheated on in a past relationship. However, the person you are with now does not deserve that judgment. It’s a different person and it’s a different relationship. If you don’t trust your mate, you are going to have problems, period.
3. Be compatible when it comes to intimacy. If he is a touchy-feely kind of guy and you don’t like affection, well, that’s a problem. It won’t go away. It needs to be addressed early in the relationship, or it will become such a problem down the road, that he/she might seek intimacy from someone else. Intimacy also applies to emotions… do you have a problem expressing your feelings? Get over it. Don’t assume your mate knows how you feel at all times. Express your feelings and reciprocate when he/she says something intimate to you.
4. Make sure your mate is the one that brings out the best in you. Sure, she might be fine to look at, but are her morals in line with yours? Does she entice you to do things that make you feel uncomfortable? Does he encourage you to be rude and mean to others? An ideal mate will bring out the best in you and make you feel comfortable whether you are alone together or in public.
5. Talk nice. Don’t berate your partner in public, and also watch your tongue when you are in private. Do not show or express contempt, as it is the opposite of respect, and then that is gone, well, the relationship is over. If something your partner says or does pisses you off, do not react negatively. Wait to respond if you know you have a sharp tongue. Find a way to respond in a way that will diffuse the situation. The smallest argument can blow out of proportion and be the beginning of the end. The point is… communicate well. Don’t say, “That was stupid.” Go for something like, “I think you could have handled that a little better.”
6. Learn how to deal with conflict. Couples fight. It’s not going to always be peaches and cream. How you handle your disputes, however, can be the difference between a short marriage and a lifelong one. Attack the issue that has popped up, not your partner. Don’t become defensive and hurtful. Talk about it. Resolve it and move on. Don’t let hurt feelings boil inside and blow up one day out of the blue.
7. Face adversity or a challenge together, whether it’s aimed at just one of you or both of you as a couple. Say your partner is studying for the bar exam. As the test gets closer, relieve him/her of some of his/her chores so there is more time to study. Chances are, once the exam is over, your partner will do something special for you in appreciation.
8. Talk money. This is a very touchy subject. But it can be the death of even the most romantic of partnerships if you both don’t share the same values when it comes to finances. It simply has to be discussed.There are signs early in the relationship that will indicate a person’s spending habits. For example, does she only like designer shoes? Is he just as happy with a meaningful trinket as he is with an expensive gift? Are you going to handle your financial obligations as a team? Figure it out before you jump the broom.
Having a successful relationship is not always going to be easy. However, if you think ahead and follow these few guidelines, the rewards can be exceedingly generous and provide a lifetime of joy and happiness.
Culled from one guy that inspires me, Farrah Gray.
Friday, February 28, 2014
A Special Prayer For Husbands
Hello beautiful women out there,
I actually just wrote this and i was passionate enough to bring it here
for everyone to read.
Remember you don't have to be married to say the prayer as we all have special kind of prayers for that special man we want to live with. You can pray for your future husband and you can as well pray for the man in your life. I hope you find it interesting......
Happy Reading
Dear God,
Today i pray specially for my Husband,
I actually just wrote this and i was passionate enough to bring it here
for everyone to read.
Remember you don't have to be married to say the prayer as we all have special kind of prayers for that special man we want to live with. You can pray for your future husband and you can as well pray for the man in your life. I hope you find it interesting......
Happy Reading
Dear God,
Today i pray specially for my Husband,
- That he will never labor in vain.
- That your hand shall continually be upon his life.
- That his blood will never spill on any road.
- That whatever he lay his hands to do shall excel and prosper.
- That he will grow n grace and knowledge of God.
- That he will love God and respect him
- That he will put God first and me second in all he does.
- That he will walk in love and that the Glory of God will mantle him.
- That he will find peace and love in my arms.
- That he will find happiness in my eyes whenever he is sad.
- That he will keep friends that will inspire and lift him up.
- That he will have a mentor and not a Godfather.
- That he will command money, money shall not rule his life.
- That he will control wine, wine will not control him.
- That he will be the best in-laws to to my parents.
- That he will be a wonderful son to your parents.
- That he will be my head and love me like Christ loved the church.
- That he will be the man and priest in our home.
- That he will be an inspiration to me, our kids and others.
- That he will be so blessed and become a blessing to other people.
- That he will reign in the city,in the field and in our home.
- That he will learn to forgive yourself,me,and other people.
- That his love and presence will rule and reign in our home where he is king.
Amen!!!
Love,
A Praying Wife.
I Don't Love You
I don't love you because of your color,
I don't love you because of your weight,
I don't love you because of your height,
I don't love you because of All i can see.
I don't love you because of your Fame,
I don't love you because of your family,
I don't love you because of your fashion,
I don't love you because of All that you are.
I don't love you because of your past or present,
I don't love you because of your future i know not,
I don't love you because of the riches that fail,
I don't love you because of All you could be.
I don't love you because you are smart or sweet,
I don't love you because of the love we share,
I don't love you because of all the peace you bring,
I don't love you because of All the senses can feel.
I love you because with you everything is fine,
I love you because you make me better each day,
I love you because you are all i ever prayed for,
I love you because with you, I believe i can fly...
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Ten Differences Between A Girl And A Woman
There are times that all i do is wonder why some ladies don't grow up to become women and that is because most of them remain girls. Here are a few differences between girls and women.
1. Girls search for rich men while Woman concentrate
more on working to be a rich wife while searching for
1. Girls search for rich men while Woman concentrate
more on working to be a rich wife while searching for
caring and loving men.
2. Girls measure their men’s worth by
the size of his pocket; money matters
while Women measures their men’s
worth by their level of Wisdom and
the fear of God and how disciplined
they can be toward their finances.
3. Girls end relationships by breaking
up with silly excuses. Women have
endurance knowing that everything
happen for a reason
4.Girls thinks about the present
while Women think about the future.
5. Girls love to having many guys going after them.
Women know the law of demand
(Cheap things have high purchasers).
6. A Girl takes relationship affairs
outside while a Woman keep secrets
things secret.
7. Girls demand for money to buy make- up, airtime, bus fare.
Women demand for money to make plans.
8. Girls get hurt by one man and make
all men pay for it. Women know that
all men are not the same.
9. A girl is “learning”. A woman
“knows”.
10. Girls will read this and get an
attitude. A woman will just smile & share.
2. Girls measure their men’s worth by
the size of his pocket; money matters
while Women measures their men’s
worth by their level of Wisdom and
the fear of God and how disciplined
they can be toward their finances.
3. Girls end relationships by breaking
up with silly excuses. Women have
endurance knowing that everything
happen for a reason
4.Girls thinks about the present
while Women think about the future.
5. Girls love to having many guys going after them.
Women know the law of demand
(Cheap things have high purchasers).
6. A Girl takes relationship affairs
outside while a Woman keep secrets
things secret.
7. Girls demand for money to buy make- up, airtime, bus fare.
Women demand for money to make plans.
8. Girls get hurt by one man and make
all men pay for it. Women know that
all men are not the same.
9. A girl is “learning”. A woman
“knows”.
10. Girls will read this and get an
attitude. A woman will just smile & share.
Friday, February 14, 2014
Celebrating Real Love This Valentine
I actually culled this from our very own Ikeji her herself and it states the 50 ways to show a relationship is a serious one. I hope you learn a thing or two from here this valentine.
1. Meeting the parents
2. Exchanging house keys
3. Planning a holiday together
4. Discussing plans for the future
5. Being invited to family gatherings
6. Saying 'I love you'
7. Staying overnight at each other's houses
8. Signing Christmas / Birthday cards together
9. Seeing each other at least every other night
2. Exchanging house keys
3. Planning a holiday together
4. Discussing plans for the future
5. Being invited to family gatherings
6. Saying 'I love you'
7. Staying overnight at each other's houses
8. Signing Christmas / Birthday cards together
9. Seeing each other at least every other night
10. Leaving a toothbrush at each other's
11. You tell each other absolutely everything
12. Letting them take care of you when sick
13. Being introduced to wider friendships circles
14. Discussing how many children you might want in the future
15. Buying a dog or cat together
16. Driving each other's cars
17. Inviting them to a wedding as a date
18. Divulging salary details
19. Letting them know your pin number
20. Discussing holidays
21. Having a drawer at each other's house
22. When you HYPOTHETICALLY talk about IF you lived together
23. Inviting people round as a couple
24. Having clothes and other belongings at each other's houses
25. First name terms with their mum and dad
26. Talking about intimate health issues
27. Farting in front of each other
28. Inviting them out with your friends / family
29. Receiving cards or gifts addressed to both of you
30. When you know what each other's plans are for every single day
32. Changing Facebook status to 'in a relationship'
33. You know each other's passwords
34. Wearing pyjamas when you get home from work
35. You share secrets about friends with each other
36. Always being the 'plus one' on invites
37. Getting food in your big shop just for them
38. You start watching TV shows they like
39. Phoning each other at work
40. Stop putting make up on to look gloriously fresh before they wake up
41. When they start asking for your opinion on stuff
42. Going out with friends or family without the partner being there
43. Signing off 'love' in a card
44. You start listening to music they like
45. You stop seeing people you know they don't like
46. Putting a photo of the two of you on Facebook
47. Sending good morning / goodnight texts
48. Having a pet name for each other
49. Telling each other how many sexual partners you've had
50. When all their friends add you on Facebook
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